Ground (10 Below) Zero

This is me trying to work out what to write to you.  How to explain how I got to this point without reeking of drama.
There's nothing more devoid of anything than bullet points, so I'll start there...

(This playlist is what I'm listening to, just in case you want to play it as you read...)

2012

• Finished contract on Hobbit
• Started contract with Novopay working up to 110 hours per week

2013

• Last 5 weeks of contract, shoulder freezing after nights work and having to lift it with other hand to do anything
  

• Finished contract with Novopay to go back to Hobbit
• Took children to Las Vegas and New York to celebrate graduations
• Maxed credit card due to one disaster after another on trip
• Moved into apartment that took a year to find
• Noticed niggling shoulder pain getting worse
  
• Finished contract at Hobbit
• Now unable to lift arm, went to Dr who diagnosed me with frozen shoulder and prescribed Tramadol
  
• Dr advised that ACC unlikely to approve claim due to 'gradual process' nature of injury
• Felt so overwhelmed, couldn't face battle with ACC so went through testing process of applying for sickness benefit
• Benefit not covering rent so had to get creative to pay each week (some board from couch-surfers, the occasional sewing job and babysitting for a friend etc)
  
• Lost 10kgs in first 2 months due to combo of Tramadol and lack of funds for food
  
• Gratefully accepted offers of loans from friends and family to make up rent, pay bills etc
  
• Sold car to pay back friends and ironically pay 2011 ACC bill that they'd missed sending the previous year
  
• Used up all emergency food grant allowance
  

2014

• Cashed in retirement savings to pay 2012 ACC bill
• Angry with irony of stress due to having to find money to pay ACC so applied for retrospective claim
  
• Made arrangement with bank to make minimum payments on credit card
• Borrowed more money off parents to go to dentist and doctor
• Decided my arm was recovered enough to start applying for jobs even though it still hurts to use mouse
  
• Only taking Tramadol once a week so putting on weight finally
  
• Sold a car given to me which paid a bill
  
• Sold cellphone and other things around house to get food
• Used up next lot of emergency food grant
  
• Friends and family putting what money they can spare in my account for food
• No replies from job applications so started voluntary work to feel like I'm at least 'earning' my benefit
• Hitch-hiked to hometown to look at moving into parents caravan and getting work but realised it would be a giant step back to the same situation 15 years earlier and one I'm not sure I could recover from
  

• Benefit short paid
• Balance of benefit paid with extra from being underpaid previous week 

Last week

• No benefit payment, rent takes bank account into unarranged overdraft

Today
I rang to find out why my benefit hadn't been paid. The person who fixed up the short payment didn't tell me the extra amount was actually this weeks benefit payment and I had spent it on food and bathroom and cleaning groceries that I had run out of.  I tried to keep my shit together but just couldn't stop sobbing.  I then had to ring the bank to beg them to give me 24 hours to find the money for the overdraft.  That's when I took the pics above.

I don't know what to do.
I don't know who to go to.
I've discovered that it might be admirable to cheerfully manage existing but the reality is it's always only 24 hours from being homeless.

But here's where the good stuff kicks in...
It took me 10 years to overcome depression and many other addictions.
If I was going to get depression again, it would have been over the last 9 months so I take comfort and credit that it is possible to overcome depression fully. Of course I've had down days, like today, but each time my self-training kicks in and I allow myself a good sob, make a cuppa and move toward any crack of light I can perceive. Todays light was a Duty Manager role at a hotel and more hours at my voluntary job and I have another role as a Trainer to apply for at the end of the week.  And the Good News Network always helps me put my life into perspective not to mention the kindness and support of my adoring family and few close friends.

But all of this is just to give you a (very uncreative or poetic) background because what I really want to do is write and speak.
I wrote this to dip my toe in.  It was received well.  But I haven't known what to do since then, so just to start something, anything, I'm going to try to document my climb out of Ground Zero...