 My old friend Nic once described me as the most 'innocent, switched on' person he knew. I didn't know how I should take that at the time but I knew what he meant. Some things I'm all over in seconds but man I can be slow sometimes!
Here's two examples. My son was able to explain humidity so I actually got it today and I've finally learnt the difference between carbs and protein! So I wish I could say the change in my body since the last time you saw it was from working out because that would make it sound like I have discipline. But I don't. The change is purely from eating mostly protein for the past month. And the three revelations I've had about protein is that it's cheap, I can eat tonnes of it and I never feel peckish in between meals. Where did I learn this? Here on Insta, obsessively following all the mind-blowing #weightloss pages. Not because I need to lose weight but because I'm so inspired by all the courageous people who DO have discipline. They're making me want to step up and put in some effort so I can feel some training at our apartments gym coming on (others may or may not call it the stairwell)...
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 One of the dilemmas that those of us who've overcome anything are inevitably faced with is relapse.
After this recent transition to my new apartment and the super human effort to move my furniture, I hit a wall. I expected to be physically drained but I wasn't prepared for the claustrophobic blanket of depression that engulfed me for almost two weeks. Luckily I'd been through it three times before so I kept reminding myself that it wasn't normal, that it was an indicator only (that I was exhausted) and not a precursor (to getting depression again) and that it was my minds way of telling me I needed to chill the F.O! Which I did. Much like a physically driven person who sprains something when their body needs rest, I just rested up, ate well and didn't put any pressure on myself until I could feel it lifting. Here's the thing though...do you tell people? You're supposed to be The Mighty Transformed. How's it going to sound and be interpreted if you admit to relapse or even just weakness? What's always worked for me is honesty. I told my nearests and dearests and of course they were worried, but then they got to be part of the happy relief when I came out the other side, rewarding all of our faith in my ability to heal. Even though I haven't thought of myself as a #depressionsufferer for around 10 years, I know I have a propensity towards it in extreme cases of stress and because of this, I deeply respect and appreciate it because if it comes over me, I know it's drawing attention to something important to do with my mental wellbeing and I will always, always take notice... #overcomingdepression #depressionrelapse Welcome to my new whare, Douglas.
I move there in a few days. Just looking at these images gives me such visceral pleasure and even though it was a rainy day when I went to see it, no amount of dismal outside was going to dampen that internal warmth. I've never really had a life so my living environment is profoundly important to me. Not just because I spend so much time there but because my surroundings are my mirror that ricochet character and comfort. Every single day I think about this book I was born and raised to write and those shades of colour and light feel like a good place to start... |
